One night at a dinner party, when called to make a speech, among his many thoughts O.W. Holmes shared with the guests, “…The chief work of civilization is just that it makes the means of living more complex; that it calls for great and combined intellectual efforts, instead of simple, uncoordinated ones…” And he used to believe that this order “made possible the artist, the poet, the philosopher and the man of science…” sort of the idea that there is a system of life that makes possible every kind of person. All together, we’ll find a place for everyone and then you can do what you want. Along with Holmes, I have to agree that it would seem this is backwards. It is building a giant room and waiting for something to fill it.
Every experience is an opportunity to realize what it is that you believe. Believing in something motivates you to act. What if we let ourselves experience life, find out what we have, and then build a room whose exact dimensions we can specify?
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At NH I was lead to believe that there is a certain way to be a writer. We gather up the ends of our robes and carefully load ourselves into the starting blocks lined up on the graduation stage. With diploma ready to hand-off to our first employer, the gun cracks and we explode towards the coasts. You must stay with the pack or risk losing everything- Trust the system. Run.
The system has room for directors, producers, gaffers and grips- writers? sure here is where you go to be one- follow these steps.
I wanted to trust the system. The system and its creators were reputable, established- who was I? I was feeling like I was doing it wrong. My proposals were not accepted. My work was strange and so was I. The system was yin and I was closer to being the Yangtze than I was to being its yang.
The gun went off and I stood back in the smoke. I can run fast, very fast- had I choked? Why did I stay behind? My classmates crossed the bicoastal finish lines and accepted their laurels and internships. I went to summer camp.
I do not write to find a place for myself- rather, Modus Scribendi– it is an uncontrollable urge to write. There is so much that I see and believe and that is what dictates my direction. It turned out that I wanted to bring more into the system than what there was room for. I believed in so much.
Holmes decided, “Life is action, the use of one’s powers. As to use them to their height is our joy and duty so it is the end that justifies itself.”
There are many “systems” out there that offer to help give you direction. Don’t let these tools transform who you are, use them as the tools that they are to help you create the life you know you were meant to live.