Who am I, where am I, and how did I get here? These are questions that I am constantly asking myself. I think that each of us has a core that represents who we are. But at the same time, there are so many things about us that are constantly evolving: values, interests, priorities, political ideals, relationships, personal style (I mean, I used to wear stirrup spandex leggings and Jelliesj). The situations we encounter in life affect who we are, so we’re in a permanent state of adaptation to everything that life throws at us. Life makes a move, and we react. At the same time, I think it’s important to be proactive, and I am purposely trying to develop this trait more. As I mentioned in a recent post, I have been trying to say “yes” more, try new (and scary) things, and become an active contributor to life. I want to “happen” to things just as much as things happen to me. In my view, we’d all like to think that we make our own mark on the world. So while I believe that there is a core part of me that remains steadfast, there are other aspects of my personality that I want to improve upon and change. My adventures on this new road that is opening up before me will test my ability to balance adapting to life while remaining true to who I am.
Where am I? This is a question that I just recently figured out. Well, not exactly. When I put it like that, it sounds like after three long months of debate, I’ve finally figured out that I live in Los Angeles. No, no, it didn’t take that long. Just a couple days. But to be honest, sometimes I surprise myself with the realization that I live out here. I grew up and have lived on the East Coast my entire life. It’s weird that I see great sunsets, but not sunrises; it’s strange that the ocean is to the west, and not the east; and it’s odd to think that four distinct seasons may be a thing of the past. I don’t think Los Angeles is the type of city that you immediately fall in love with – especially if you grew up on the East Coast. The relationship you develop with this city is one that takes some time and patience. After a few months, Los Angeles is finally starting to feel like home. I feel more comfortable here, I’ve learned to accept its shortcomings (hello, traffic), and embrace its unique advantages (the weather, windows-down-driving only, the diversity of the people, the emphasis on being active and spending time outdoors, the fact that they put avocado on everything, Yogurtland). In addition to my personal relationship with the city, I also want to be out here to pursue my professional dreams. There is no way of knowing if I’ll stay out here forever, or if this will just be one stop in a long line of adventures, but what I do know is that for now and for the near future, I want to be here.
How did I get here? On a plane. Also, I’ve been fortunate enough to have an incredible amount of emotional and practical support from my family and friends, I have a strong work ethic, and a much better sense (thanks to Newhouse) of my career aspirations and personal goals. Where “here” is is a matter of perspective. “Here” is not necessarily a place; it can be an attitude or state of mind.
The scariest aspect of this line of questions is the part that isn’t mentioned, but the one that is no doubt on our minds quite a bit: where am I going from here? I don’t know. But no one really does. There is an array of vastly different future scenarios that I could envision for myself. While it’s important to always keep tabs on what we want for ourselves in the future, I think that we can’t try to predict and plan for too much. Setting goals is important, but much like how who we are is continually adapting, our goals – and the paths we can take to reach them – are also subject to readjustment, refinement, and reconsideration. Now that I’ve acknowledged that, I feel a newfound burst of energy and confidence as I enter into this new phase of my life.
And it’s all relative. As J.R.R. Tolkien’s wonderful creation Gandalf says, “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” There’s not much else we can do. I’m going to try and remember that advice whenever I feel stressed or anxious about the road ahead. All we can do is make the best decision based on the information that we have in front of us. We can use what we’ve learned from the past to inform the present, and hopefully those decisions will bring us closer to what we want our futures to hold. As for me, I want to make decisions that are going to give my loved ones, myself, and our planet health and happiness. I mean, all I’m saying is that it could be worse. At least we don’t have to go on a death mission to Mordor.